Why You Need to Date Yourself First

I’ve seen it time and time again. A woman goes through a breakup, and her first thought is, who’s going to love me now? What if instead of focusing on when we’re going to meet Mr. Right, we focus on ourselves for a bit?

I’ve been officially single for nearly three years now (not including the 18 month divorce process). Looking at those words on the screen, it seems a lot longer than it actually feels. Over these three years, I’ve spent a vast majority of the time getting to know myself. And damn does it feel good.

I traveled abroad for one year, living out of a backpack, speaking Spanish, and sleeping in bunkbeds. I launched my coaching business while spending another six months training, and visiting friends and family around the United States, before eventually moving to Mexico City and setting up my new home base.

I also spent time casually dating a variety of men from different cultures, ages, and backgrounds, but this was never the focus. It evolved organically. I started off with dating myself first.

Imagine you’re about to go on a first date. What do you do to prepare? You might get your nails done, spend time picking out the perfect outfit, and feel an invigorating mix of anticipation and nerves, before you meet your date face to face at a new, fun spot.

Now imagine doing that for yourself.

Spend time getting ready and doing what makes you feel good. Go to a new cafe or restaurant and treat yourself to something extraordinary. People watch. Listen to live music. Spend time enjoying your own company. Bring a journal if you like, and write down how it feels to go on a date with you. Get to know yourself on an entirely new level, so you know how you want to be treated once you’re ready to date again.

There’s a difference between feeling lonely and simply being alone. When you are comfortable with spending time solo, you won’t search for another person to complete you. Period.

Now go plan that date for one!